My new thing for ’06 is “Get it right, get it tight” I know that doesn’t rhyme with ’06. But, I have already decided that that is going to be my battle cry for the year.

’05 has been a good year for me personally. I did a lot of growing within this year. I learned that it is okay to think about myself. Life is easier when I don’t do things that I don’t want to do. The world isn’t going to end if I say, “No”. Also, you shouldn’t say, “No” to everything because you could be blocking your blessings. When you choose yourself than others will you choose you. Sometimes people are in your life for a reason and a season. It is okay to let people go. And, most importantly, you should celebrate yourself! Everyday is a new opportunity for something wonderful and fantastic to happen to you.

I came across some information that may be useful to you to start your New Year off right:

I believe that we are all Superstars, in one way or the other, so why not receive fan mail confirming that belief. Sign up at http://www.markkaye.com/ you can receive some! Mark Kaye loves getting fan mail. He loves it so much he thinks everybody should get some! Type in your name and email and Mark Kaye will send YOU fan mail every week to remind you how great you are!

Is being more organized on your list of must do’s for the New Year. With help from Office Depot, in 30 minutes a day for five days you can become more organized in your business life. Some of the tips can also be used in your personal life as well, you can download a free copy of "The Office Depot Five-Day Office Makeover Plan" at http://www.officedepot.com/getorganized


Whether you want to lose weight, maintain where you are or you need a little motivation to take yourself to the next level, here is some help. From January 2 – January 8 between the hours of 3 p.m. and 11 p.m. EST, consumers can dial in to the “Fresh Resolution Hotline,” 1-877-Now Fresh (877-669-3737) and receive free support, advice and resources from ADA nutritionist. Also, you can sign up at http://www.subwayfreshresolutions.com to receive free daily telephone reminders and motivational recordings from Jared throughout the month of January.


Here are some really useful tips for Career, Health and Maintaining Goals

TIPS FOR JOB HUNTING ON THE INTERNET
Here are Job-Hunt.org's seven rules for searching for a job using the internet:
Protect your privacy.

1. For your job search, use an anonymous e-mail address (HotMail, Yahoo, etc.), and limit the contact information in your resume to your e-mail address and cell phone or other unlisted phone number.

2. Don't look for a job with a new employer while you are at work.
That's a quick and easy way to get fired. According to a 2005 American Management Association survey, 76% of employers monitored employee Web surfing, and 25% fired employees for inappropriate use of the Web or e-mail.

3. Use the Web to research an employer before you apply for a job.
Visit the employer's Website to see what they do, and find job postings. Also visit Yahoo Finance, BusinessWire.com, PRNewsWire.com, Hoover's, etc. to discover the latest news about their industry, competition and financial situation. Don't be the last person hired before layoffs begin. Guess who'll be first out?

4. Don't depend on any Web job site (large or small) to find you a job.
Job boards can be very effective, but recruiters receive an overwhelming number of resumes for every job. Instead, differentiate yourself from the crowd by following these rules and following up on every application, politely but relentlessly.

5. Use the Web to expand and renew your personal network.
Check your school's career center, local job search support group, former employer's "alumni" network, and/or any professional or industry organizations you have joined. Post privacy-sensitive profiles with sites like LinkedIn, Ziggs, ZoomInfo, etc., but be cautious about disclosing information irrelevant to your job search.

6. Leverage technology to differentiate yourself from the pack.
Use the computer combined with your research to create resumes and cover letters customized for specific opportunities. Unless directed otherwise, copy the text of your resume and cover letter into an e-mail. Don't attach them.

7. Don't expect e-mail to be reliable. Most organizations protect their e-mail systems with spam filters that might send your message to the junk mail folder. And their messages to you may meet the same fate. Follow up via phone, and check your junk mail folders often.

Find more information on using e-mail, protecting privacy, and online networking at http://www.Job-Hunt.org, recipient of several prestigious awards including Forbes Magazine's "Best of the Web" and PC Magazine's "Best of the Internet."


10 TIPS FROM CAROL ESPEL, National Director of Group Fitness and Exercise Physiologist

1. Create your own contract. Write a contract to yourself with your resolutions and all the reasons why you want to keep them, and then sign it! By signing the contract your have committed to yourself that you are going to stick to your Resolutions.

2. Make small, attainable goals. If weight loss is your goal then consider starting out with 20 minutes of cardiovascular activity 2-3 times a week, then slowly increase your time to 30 minutes each session. You will begin to see and feel a difference in a few short weeks!

3. Hire a certified personal trainer. Having a trainer will keep you on track and give you the motivation and direction you need to obtain your goals.

4. Clear your shelves and fridge! Throw out all of the junk food in your house; if it isn't in the house you won't be able to eat it when you feel the urge. Replace old snack foods with new ones like cut veggies and fresh fruit.

5. Stay off the scale. Use the way your clothes fit to judge your progress, not the bathroom scale. Muscle is denser than fat. You may be losing inches without significant weight loss.

6. Chose an activity that you really enjoy doing. Participating in activities that you enjoy such as walking, riding a bike or going to group exercise classes will not only keep you motivated, but, by mixing them up, will keep boredom from setting in.

7. Make it part of your day. Schedule exercise as if it were lunch. No one likes skipping meals right? Then don't skip your exercise appointment.

8. Motivate yourself by listening to music while you exercise. Putting on your favorite music while you exercise will lift your spirits and put some pep in your step.

9. Exercise with a friend. Having someone that needs you to motivate them as you much as you need motivation helps you both stay on track.

10. Reward yourself. Once you achieve a short-term goal, do something nice for yourself ... perhaps buy a new piece of clothing that makes you feel great.

Enjoy the process and arrive at your goals in a timely manner. As your lifestyle changes, your activity and strength will naturally increase and results will come in an easeful and enjoyable progression.

SOURCE Equinox Fitness Club
Web Site: http://www.equinoxfitness.com


SIX TIPS THAT CAN HELP ANY GOAL SETTING EXERCISE LEAD TO MORE EFFECTIVE RESULTS

1. Fix in the mind, the exact goal. One must be able to imagine what it will feel like to have achieved the goal. This is the mental picture which will provide the "compass" towards its attainment.

2. Determine exactly what will be done to achieve this goal.

3. Establish a date for when this goal will be achieved.

4. Create a detailed plan and take some action immediately.

5. Write out a clear statement of the goal.

6. Review the goal, preferably out loud, twice a day.

You can get more insights about this topic from Dave Saunders’ website http://www.the-time-management-guy.com.


The Harvard Women's Health Watch suggests six reasons to get enough sleep:

1. Learning and memory: Sleep helps the brain commit new information to memory through a process called memory consolidation. In studies, people who'd slept after learning a task did better on tests later.

2. Metabolism and weight: Chronic sleep deprivation may cause weight gain by affecting the way our bodies process and store carbohydrates, and by altering levels of hormones that affect our appetite.

3. Safety: Sleep debt contributes to a greater tendency to fall asleep during the daytime. These lapses may cause falls and mistakes such as medical errors, air traffic mishaps, and road accidents.

4. Mood: Sleep loss may result in irritability, impatience, inability to concentrate, and moodiness. Too little sleep can also leave you too tired to do the things you like to do.

5. Cardiovascular health: Serious sleep disorders have been linked to hypertension, increased stress hormone levels,and irregular heartbeat.

6. Disease: Sleep deprivation alters immune function, including the activity of the body's killer cells. Keeping up with sleep may also help fight cancer.

Harvard Women's Health Watch is available from Harvard Health Publications, the publishing division of Harvard Medical School, for $24 per year. Subscribe at http://www.health.harvard.edu/women or by calling 1-877- 649-9457 (toll free).

Quote for the Day

"When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid."
-Audre Lorde, Poet (1934-1992)

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I know that I have not written in awhile. I really didn’t have much going on. Thanks to a very good friend of mine, I had a wonderful fantastic Christmas. Thank you, Deborah! She had great company! Great food! And, great wine! It was true celebration. Since my last birthday, anyone that knows me knows that I am all for celebrating. I came across some great entertaining tips from Valorie Luther of White Linen Events. You can use these tips to create and organize a New Year’s Eve Party, your next Birthday Party or anything else that you can think of that deserves a celebration.

Here are some tips to help you create and organize any party, especially New Year's Eve.

Food: Make it easy. If you love to cook then go for the complicated menu, but for those of us who have had it with the big meals from the holidays, make party planning effortless and either order in or prepare simple dishes. Last year, I made pizzas on pre-made pizza crust. I got creative with the ingredients which made it fun and easy for me and satisfying for my guests (have you ever tried humus, spinach sautéed in garlic, northern white beans and parmesan cheese on a crust or strips of steak on a crust covered with 3 different cheeses?). Stress free is the key here because if you are happy, your guests will be delighted.

Drinks: Drinks don't have to be complicated either. With such a small and familiar group of guests, it should be easy to serve them. Go to your regular liquor store to get some advice on new and different red, white and sparkling wines. Go to http://www.bartender.com to get some new ideas on fun drinks and go to http://www.floras-hideout.com for some original non alcoholic drinks. Whether you go with the usual or the unusual, just make sure your guests are comfortable with the choices you provide.

Decorating: Again, make it simple and fun. A good friend and amazing event designer Ruth Ridgeway of Ruth Ridgeway Designs goes for an Asian theme on New Year's Eve. She gets two large blocks of homosote, a pressed fiber board that is heat proof and easy to cut, and she puts a couple of low saw horses underneath to make a big table. She covers it with some interesting fabric and throws pillows on the floor for seating. Ruth uses fun chargers, plates, rice bowls and sake cups she has bought from Chinatown in New York City along with candles and orchids to add a special touch to the table. She then orders in Chinese and is ready for a relaxing evening with close friends. Make the theme simple and make it your own!

Entertainment: For a New Year's Eve casual get together, again, make it simple. Good conversation, a favorite line up of music piped in from your CD system, and confetti and blowers for the midnight celebration will do it. Less is always more. It's the connection that the hosts have with the guests that really counts at that moment when the hand strikes midnight.

You are now on your way to having a relaxing low-key yet festive party for your family and/or friends. New Year's Eve only comes around once a year so give yourself a gift of enjoying yourself and your guests by planning ahead and making it simple.

About White Linen Events
Valorie Luther is Principal of White Linen Events which is an event management company specializing in weddings, private parties, corporate functions and fundraisers where the mission, through the experience and skills of Valorie Luther and her team, is to understand the client's vision and goals and then exceed their expectations by creating and managing an exceptional event!

Valorie Luther is available for speaking engagements and writing assignments on Entertaining. For more go to her blog:
http://Entertainingnews.blogspot.com

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By Valerie Young

This fall marks a momentous occasion. I’m proud to say that in a few short weeks I’ll be joining the ranks of baby boomers turning fifty.

If popular culture is any indication, I should find this particular milestone cause for great consternation. From the distress of new found wrinkles to the regrets of unrealized dreams to the reality of one’s mortality, they don’t call it “The Big 5-0” for nothing.

So why am I so unfazed? Maybe it’s because I feel happier, healthier, and in the ways that really count, more attractive than at any other time in my life. Mostly though, what I’ve noticed is a profound sense of clarity about who I am and what I want. And I have every intention of getting it.

Are You Settling?
When you’re younger, I find, you’re more apt to settle. We settle in relationships (“It’s better than being alone”), we settled for high-stress, low-satisfaction jobs (“It could be worse”), we settle for all kinds of things that later in life would be simply unacceptable. Now that I’m pushing 50, settling feels entirely, well, uninteresting.

Settling is not the same as compromise. Healthy relationships require a certain degree of compromise from both partners. And while I think you can get darned close, no job is perfect. There are times I’d rather curl up in the big chair in my living room and nap – or do just about anything else than hustle to meet some deadline. But life is all about trade-offs.

Settling is different. When you settle, you unwittingly or wittingly check your true needs, desires, feelings, and gifts at the door. By settling you’re essentially telling yourself, “This is the best I can do.” You don’t even try to get your needs met, or realize your true desires, or express your feelings, or bring your gifts into the world because you either don’t think a) it’s possible or b) that you deserve to get what you want.

The “pathological optimist” in me is here to tell you that far more is possible than you think and everyone – including you – deserves to go after what they want. (You’ll be hearing from the “pathological pragmatist” in me shortly.)

How to Get What You Want
In my experience, getting what you want is a three-step process that involves clarity, action, and hope. Here are some questions to help you navigate each step:

1. Getting clear.
The first and most obvious question to ask here is, “What do I really want and need?” You may be surprised at your own answers. For example, when I asked workshop participants to name the three things they absolutely had to have in their work life I expected to hear the big
three: Flexibility, balance, and satisfaction. Instead they cited a delightful range of wants and needs from having their pet by their side while they work to frequent travel to intellectual stimulation to the need to help make the world a better place.

Getting clear is not just about your work life. There’s no time like the present to clarify what you want in all realms of your life. For
example:

~What do you need in terms of your physical surroundings… your home, your neighborhood, your community? (Me, I’m in hot pursuit of a house with a view.)

~What do you want and need in a relationship? (Or, perhaps what you really need right now is to have a relationship with yourself.)

~What do you need to achieve or maintain your well being – emotionally, physically, spiritually?

~What about financially? (Money is always a good place to be clear on the difference between wants and needs. You may want to make six figures but you need far less to meet your basic needs.)

Consider too the things that interfere with you getting what you want. One question that can help here is, “What am I tolerating?” It might be an unreasonable boss or workload, a stressful commute, a less than supportive family, the lack of alone time, a self-limiting belief, or a refusal to let yourself let go of the past and embrace what could be.

Once you get clear on what you want, do yourself a favor and put it in writing. That’s what Dilbert cartoonist Scott Adams did. Adams desperately wanted to escape his corporate cubicle to become a syndicated cartoonist. To keep his goal front and center he wrote his goal not once, not twice, but 15 times – a day!

2. Take steps to get what you want.
Adams wasn’t just engaging in wishful thinking. The guy backed up his goal with action. Before heading off to his corporate cubicle, Adams would work on his cartoons from 5:00 to 7:00am until he had compiled enough to put in an envelope and send off to United Feature Syndicate.
The rest, as they say, is history. Today Adams is, in his words, “obscenely wealthy,” doing exactly what he loves, and using his gifts to make millions of other corporate drones laugh at the absurdities of modern organizational life.

Sometimes the action can be as simple as asking for what you want. Depending on what it is you want and need, you might ask for time, respect, information, resources, space, affection, validation, compensation, further explanation, assistance, understanding… the list can go on and on. The key is to ask!

3. Have hope.
I promised you’d hear from the “pathological pragmatist” in me, so here it is. Just because you know what you want and ask, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get it. You can ask your boss for a raise, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get that raise. In fact, the things you’re least likely to get are those that are solely dependent on someone else’s cooperation and needs.

If you’re feeling discouraged by the idea of not getting what you want, don’t be. Have you heard the expression “Be careful what you ask for”? Think about it. If you always got what you thought you wanted, you’d be “married” to your first youthful crush (now that’s a scary thought). You don’t necessarily get what you want, but as the Rolling Stones famously reminded us, you do always get what you need.

So where does hope come in? Noted playwright, poet, political dissident, and former president of Czechoslovakia and later the Czech Republic, Vaclac Havel, once wrote:

“Hope is an orientation of the spirit, an orientation of the heart. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”

What do Havel’s words mean to you? How can you develop an orientation of the heart that allows you to believe that no matter what happens, regardless of how things turn out – even if you are disappointed – that things have meaning?

If you are serious in your intention to change course, you must do so with a hopeful spirit. Expect bumps in the road. At the same time, have faith that there is a reason for everything and that, even if the reason is not clear at the time, everything really does makes sense.

You don’t have to wait to turn 50 to experience the serenity and the power that comes with knowing what you want. Life is just too short to settle for less.

About the Author
“Off the beaten career path” consultant, Valerie Young, abandoned her corporate cubicle to become the Dreamer in Residence at http://www.ChangingCourse.com, offering free resources to help you discover your life mission and live it. Her career change tips have been cited The Wall Street Journal, USA Today Weekend, Redbook, Entrepreneur’s Business Start Ups, and on-line at MSN, CareerBuilder, and iVillage.com. An expert on the Impostor Syndrome, she’s presented her How to Feel as Bright and Capable as Everyone Seems to Think You Are program to thousands of people.

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by Brian Tracy

After having studied top achievers and peak performers over the past 25 years, I've concluded that these unique men and women have, in most cases, mastered what I call the Seven C's of Success.

Clarity - Eighty percent of success comes from being clear on who you are, what you believe in and what you want.

Competence - You can't climb to the next rung on the ladder until you are excellent at what you do now.

Constraints - Eighty percent of all obstacles to success come from within. Find out what is constraining in you or your company and deal with it.

Concentration - The ability to focus on one thing single-mindedly and see it through until its done takes more character than anything else.

Creativity - Flood your life with ideas from many sources. Creativity needs to be exercised like a muscle, if you don't use it you'll lose it.

Courage - Most in demand and least in supply, courage is the willingness to do the things you know are right.

Continuous learning - Read, at the very least, one book a week on business to keep you miles ahead of the competition. And just as you eat and bathe, organize your time so you spend 30 minutes a day exploring e-mail, sending messages, going through web sites, because like exercise, it's the only way you can keep on top of technology. If you get away from it, you'll lose your edge.

Quote of the Day
The purposes in the human mind are like deep water, but the intelligent [man] will draw them out.
- Proverbs 20:5 NRS

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Hello,

Long time, no update. Not too many new and exciting things have been happening with me. I found a new church home, Grace AME. My daughter has joined the choir, she sang over the weekend. I joined the women's ministry. I plan on joining the Usher Board. I am loosing with Weight Watchers. Yeah!!!!! My writing has been slipping. But, I have been preparing for November (Write a Novel in a Month Challenge). And, I do keep an idea journal so the juices are flowing and stewing. Life is good. Today, I am posting an old favorite(Are you STILL dating?)and a new message that was passed on to me today. I don't have quotes for you but I will next time. I hope that you enjoy the following posts.

Are you STILL dating?
As we embark on the weekend, I have a question. (As I always do) Are you still dating God?

I know I am all in your business but I just want to know. You know He's a great guy. He looks out for you. He gives you great advice and words of encouragement when you are feeling down. He's even man enough to stand up to you when you know you're wrong. That's a good thing right? Nobody wants a wimp. So why haven't you gotten together yet?

I know how it can be. You can like a person, know they're good for you but not really take the time to get to know them. I know you hang out with Him from time to time and sometimes on Sundays but are you getting serious yet? I know He calls you, but do you call Him back? Then when you do talk to Him, do you talk or do you just sit there listening?

Look, I'm here to tell you, the man is really interested. He loves you. He's been in love with you for a while. He even said so, Jeremiah 31:3

Stop Cutting Yourself Down!
Discussing his low self-esteem, cartoon character Charlie Brown says,
"It goes back to when I first set foot on the stage of life. They looked at me and said, 'He's just not right for the part!'" You may smile, but when you've spent your life engaged in self-flagellation you know exactly what he means. The man in the tombs spent his days "cutting himself" because he thought he was worthless. And many of us who wear a game face in public spend our days doing the same thing.

Your self-image is second only to your faith in God. It doesn't matter what others think of you, what matters is what you think of yourself -based on what God thinks! Self-esteem has to come from self. That's why it's hard to believe the good things people say about you when you can't see them in yourself. Plus, how you treat others flows directly from your reservoir of personal dignity and self-respect. It's impossible to "Love your neighbour as yourself" (Mt 19:19 NIV) when you don't even like yourself. Paul says a man should love his wife like he loves himself (See Eph 5:28). But when you detest yourself how can you love your mate?

The only time any of us even comes close to perfection is on a job application! Stop cutting yourself down! God made you the way you are in order to use you the way He planned. Start complimenting Him on the great job He did. And remember, He loves you unconditionally - and that's the only reason you need for loving yourself!

Bible-in-a-year Reading: Gen 24:1-51, 2 Cor 6:14 - 7:1

K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She is a member of the Black Writers Guild and Toastmasters. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

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By Shelley Lowery

If you're looking for a powerful way to get free publicity and build your credibility at the same time, then writing articles may be your answer.

If you've been on the Internet for a while, you've probably subscribed to a few ezines. Many ezine publishers will include an article written by a guest author. At the endof the article are a few lines of text about the author referred to as bylines or resource box. These lines of text are basically just an advertisement for the writer. They usually contain a couple of lines about the author and a web address.

The writer gives the publisher permission to publish their article, free of charge, in exchange for the publisher including the author's bylines.

By writing articles and allowing them to be freely published, your articles will have the potential to be viewed by millions of Internet users. They may be
published by several ezines with subscriber bases of a few hundred to several thousand. In addition, they may be displayed in ezine archives or on high traffic websites.

Most ezine publishers prefer short articles between 500 and 750 words. Short "tip" articles of just a couple of paragraphs are also very popular. Articles should be formatted to 65 characters per line or less, including spaces, and written in short paragraph sections.

When you begin writing your article, avoid using your standard word processing programs, as they do not allow for proper formatting. Instead, use a text editor such as NotePad. It should already be installed on your desktop.

When you begin typing your article, use a hard carriage return (hit enter) when your text reaches 65 characters, including spaces, and leave a space between your paragraphs. This will enable publishers to easily copy and paste your article into their publication. By taking the time to properly format your article, you will increase your chance of being published significantly.

Most publishers receive many article submissions each week and only select a few to be published. Here are some basic guidelines to assist you in getting published:

(1) Make sure you follow the publishers' submission guidelines. Articles submitted to publishers that don't follow the submission guidelines will most likely be deleted.

(2) Make sure your article is properly formatted. Publishers won't take the time to format your article. They'll simply delete it and move on to the next article
submission.

(3) Keep your bylines down to 6 lines or less. Publishers will not publish articles that contain excessively long bylines.

(4) Select a descriptive title to intrigue your readers. Use a powerful headline that demands attention and try to keep it all on one line.

(5) Use proper grammar and spelling. Publishers will not take the time to edit your article. Make sure you read your article several times and use spellcheck.

(6) Avoid articles that are nothing more than a sales letter. Publishers want quality content and will simply delete an article that is written like a sales letter.

(7) Avoid referring readers to an affiliate URL. Articles containing affiliate links may make your article appear to be biased and untrustworthy.

(8) Write your articles with a sincere desire to teach and inform. Talk to your readers and share your expertise.

Once you've written your article, you'll need to develop a list of publishers that may be interested in publishing it. The best way to accomplish this is to display your articles on your website. Place a subscription box on each of your
article pages to enable your visitors to subscribe. This list should be used to send your new articles to your list of publishers.

In addition, you can visit some ezine sites to locate publishers who may be interested in your articles. A good place to start is eZINESearch.
http://www.ezinesearch.com

Search through the database for publications that may be interested in the type of article you've written.

Another great way to promote your articles is to submit them to article announcement groups. These groups enable writers to submit their articles to an entire group of publishers, completely free.

Article Announcement Lists:

Article Announce
Subscribe:
mailto:article_announce-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

AABusiness
Subscribe:
mailto:aabusiness-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

AAInternet
Subscribe:
mailto:aainet-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

PublishInYours
Subscribe:
mailto:PublishInYours-subscribe@egroups.com

Articles Archive
Subscribe:
mailto:articles_archives-subscribe@egroups.com

Free Content
Subscribe:
mailto:Free-Content-subscribe@egroups.com

Make sure you review the submission guidelines prior to posting your article to an announcement group.

Here are some additional promotional resources to help you get published:

http://www.web-source.net/articlesub.htm
http://www.web-source.net/syndicator_submit.htm
http://www.authorconnection.com/
http://www.ideamarketers.com/
http://www.ezinearticles.com/
http://www.marketing-seek.com/
http://www.netterweb.com/articles/

Writing and distributing free articles on the Internet will be one of the best promotional decisions you'll ever make. Not only will it provide you with free
publicity, but if your articles are good, you'll become a trusted professional in your area of expertise.

Copyright © 2001, all rights reserved

About the Author:
Shelley Lowery is the author of Ebook Starter - A complete ebook design kit. Subscribe to Etips, for a wealth of quality information to assist you in Web Design, Internet Marketing & Ecommerce. All new subscribers receive a free copy of the highly acclaimed ebook, "Killer Internet Marketing
Strategies." http://www.web-source.net/cgi-bin/t.cgi?l=bl1

Affirmations of the Week:
I create what I want easily and effortlessly.
I am magnetic to my higher good and it is magnetic to me.

Quotes for the Day
"I am responsible for my own well-being, my own happiness. The choices and decisions I make regarding my life directly influence the quality of my days."
~ Kathleen Andrus

“The wise man bridges the gap by laying out the path by means of which he can get from where he is to where he wants to go.”
~ John Pierpont Morgan

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By Judy Cullins ©2004 All Rights Reserved.

Agents and publishing houses have their best interests at heart, not the author's. Save yourself from headaches, disappointments, and money down the drain. Become your own independent publisher and produce your book faster and cheaper. All you need is a little help from professionals.

Myth: You need an agent or big publishing house to market your book and make big money.

Since big publishers don't look at unknown authors, now is the time to look at what they can do for you. Dan Poynter, self-publishing guru, says that if a publisher can't sell four times as many books as you can, you're better off selling it yourself. Self-publish first because it acts as a test market for your book. If it sells well (over 10,000 in a year) publishers may be interested in your book.

Traditional publishers and agents accept only 1-2% of authors' submissions and even if you are one of the "chosen" you may not make much money after printing, bookstore, distributor, wholesaler and other expenses--probably $2 on a $14 book. Yes, you get an advance, but your sales must meet that and more. And after the initial book tour, the trainee marketing person is onto the next new author. Then, your books disappear from the bookstore shelf unless you, personally, devote a lot of time to marketing them.

Book Publishing is a new game today. Think self-publishing where the profits are all yours. Thanks to Dan Poynter of the Self Pulsing Manual for giving us permission to do part of the task ourselves. If you self-publish and decide to print, you need to print only the copies you need (5-500) with the new technology Print on Demand (POD). Even better is Print Quantity Needed (PQN) such as Deharts.com. No more unsold cartons of books in your closets or garage. You print as you go leaving enough cash flow to market your book splendidly.

Myth: To be a respected author, you must invest thousands of hours of time on your full-length book.

The reality is that people today want concise and useful information. You don't have to write a 200-page book to be a real author. Remember The One-Minute Manager and the One- Minute Salesperson? Around one hundred pages. People want information fast and convenient. Create short information products that are between 20 and 99 pages you can sell online, even if you don't have your own Web site.

If you choose to print your book with Print Quantity Needed (PQN), your perfect bound books will look as good as any book on the bookstore shelves.

Myth: Authors must spend a lot of money to publish themselves.

The printing costs for 1500 copies of a 160-page book might cost $3000, about $2 a unit. Small runs cost even more per unit. That's a lot of cash for anyone to put out all at once, and it's not worth it to many of us to use our home equity or life savings to finance our book. The answer is a small run with Print on Demand (POD) where you can print from 100 to 500 for around $2.40 for 160 pages. Without the high inventory, you can maintain a comfortable cash flow to spend on promotion, the most important part of your book adventure.

You save even more money if you don't print your book. Book publishing is going Internet. You can write small books in less time market them easily and inexpensively on the Web and reap profits sooner. Try an e-book. It can be downloaded, it takes no printing costs because your buyer prints or downloads it. You don't even have to have the whole book finished to sell it. Just include your table of contents at the end of each chapter and present it as an e-serial book.

As a book coach, I am an authors' advocate and want you to make money. Going traditional doesn't work. Give ePublishing a chance.
===============
Judy Cullins, 20-year Book and Internet Marketing Coach works with small business people who want to make a difference in people's lives, build their credibility and clients, and make a consistent life-long income. Judy is author of 10 eBooks including Write your eBook or Other Short Book Fast, Ten Non-Techie Ways to Market Your Book Online, The Fast and Cheap Way to Explode Your Targeted Web Traffic, and Power Writing for Web Sites That Sell. She offers free help through her 2 monthly ezines, "The BookCoach Says...," "Business Tip of the Month," blog Q & A at www.bookcoaching.com and over 185 free articles.

Affirmations of the Week:
I create what I want easily and effortlessly.
I am magnetic to my higher good and it is magnetic to me.

Quotes of the Day:
Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.
~ Auguste Rodin, 1840-1917, French Sculptor

"One realizes the full importance of time only when there is little of it left. Every man's greatest capital asset is his unexpired years of productive life."
~ P. W. Litchfield

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by Steven Ivory

This was supposed to be The Future. Remember?

By the 21st century, we were going to be living like the Jetsons and dressing as Patti and the rest of LaBelle did in those space-age outfits during their "Lady Marmalade" days.

By now, we were to be vacationing on Venus and Mars. And every door, not just the ones at the local supermarket, would slide open automatically. At least, that's how we romanticized it way back in the 20th Century. After all, at the time the 21st century was still a long way off. It was The Future.

Had anyone asked, I could have told them all about The Future. I lived there, if only in my dreams, for more days than I care to admit.

It was called Someday. You won't find it on the calendar--there's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc., but no Someday--but I knew it wasn't a figment of my imagination. I mean, my plans for the future are vivid, and so was Someday.

Its reality was verified for me in a song by the '70s vocal group, the Five Stairsteps, whose sentimental classic, "Ooh Child," portrays Someday for all its euphoric worth: "SOMEDAY, we'll put it together and we'll get it all done/SOMEDAY, yeah, we'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun, SOMEDAAAY..."

In that song, Someday is a place whose promise looms huge, its twinkling potential infinite.

Someday.

Someday is the garage of our cerebral, storage space for our ambitions, large and small. It is the part of you that you've placed in life's Layaway plan, patiently waiting to be claimed. And you will, you say, Someday.

Not to be confused in dynamism, significance or dimension with something as trite as One of These Days, Someday, just this side of the Twilight Zone, is steeped in hope and wonder.

Someday's durability is magnificent; unlike any other conventional measurement of time, it occupies no designated or permanent space in the universe. Yet, Someday is real--as real and as sincere as you can possibly be to yourself and remain as vague as hell.

You should have seen my Someday. It was and remains a glorious, surreal carnival of missions accomplished; a manicured field of dreams fulfilled. Someday, everything in my life was going to be exactly as I'd dreamed: I'd collect the material things I desired. Shore up family ties. I'd finally create the body I wanted. I'd travel. Someday would heal whatever pained me emotionally.

Someday, I was gonna meet the girl of my dreams--someone, of course, who would shamelessly buy into my Someday.

It was damn near perfect, my Someday, and what wasn't perfect, would have been...Someday. See, that's how Someday works--the good stuff in your life is always ahead of you, always something you're GOING to do. Most of what I really wanted in the present somehow got relegated to Someday.

I wish I could report the single ominous moment that revealed to me the bullshit of it all. Actually, it was just a matter of facing the grim and lonely truth that Someday is procrastination on steroids, pretty much a metaphor for Never, a byproduct of fear and self-doubt.

As for The Future, well, it's already here. It arrived long before the 21st century. It's called Right Now. This--today, RIGHT NOW--is all we have. And while tomorrow isn't promised to anyone, you don't wanna be caught with your dreams down around your ankles, just in case. As we live this life, it is what we do Right Now that will shape the days ahead.

In the end, even the Stairsteps, arbiters of Someday, figured this out. By "Ooh Child"'s crescendo, they triumphantly declared, just in time for the fade, that "things are gonna get brighter...RIGHT NOW." It took them exactly two minutes and forty-five seconds to make the transformation. Let's just say it took me a little longer, but still earlier than Someday. By light years.

Steven Ivory's book, FOOL IN LOVE (Touchstone/Simon & Schuster) is in stores now or at Amazon.com Respond to him via STEVRIVORY@AOL.COM or MYfeedback@eurweb.com

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Whoever thought you'd be able to get organized in just 10 minutes?! Here are a few simple ideas.

1. 10 Minute Chore Box:
Rather than spending hours organizing, and doing it all yourself, create a 10 minute Chore Box for yourself and one for each family member, if applicable.

Each person's box would contain specific chores or tasks that need to be completed. The chores are written on slips of paper, and take a maximum of 10 minutes each to accomplish.

You can gear the tasks towards the person's abilities (e.g. while older kids can help out with vacuuming, a 3-year-old may instead be responsible for putting away his/her toys).

Each day, as a chore is completed, that slip of paper is placed in a holding envelope until the Chore Box is empty. Then, when empty, the boxes are refilled, and the system starts over again. This also works well at the office!

2. 10 Minute Pick-Up:
Control the chaos. Schedule a consistent, '10 minute Pick-up' each night. Set a timer to sound an alarm in 10 minutes.

While the clock is ticking, all family members are responsible for clearing out and putting away their belongings from the main family area.

When the timer sounds, you're all done. Give yourselves a warm round of applause for all you've accomplished.

3. 10 Minute 'When I Have Time' Goals:
One of the oldest phrases in the book is, 'I'll do that, when I have the time.' Problem is, that time never seems to come.

If you REALLY want to do something, the time can generally be found pretty easily. For example, if you just won an all-expenses paid trip to the land of your dreams, you'd probably find time to fit it into your busy schedule without much of a problem.

So, it's time to begin fitting in those things you want to do, and 10 Minute Goals can help. Schedule 10 minutes a day to catch up on your reading, or to begin learning that foreign language, or to simply spend having fun with your children. Then, work on those goals when the schedule date and time rolls around.

4. 10 Minute Luxuries:
Don't forget to schedule a few 10 Minutes Luxuries per day to do something nice for yourself.

Sometimes the day is so rushed and chaotic, that it's easy to forget the really important things like family, health, spirituality, personal time and so on.

Take that 10 minute vacation every day. You deserve it!

About the Author:
Maria Gracia, founder of http://www.getorganizednow.com and author of the book "Finally Organized, Finally Free," can help you organize your home, your office and your life.

FRËE Idea-Pak and E-zine filled with tips, ideas, articles and more to help you organize your home, your office and your life at the Get Organized Now! Web site!

Quotes for the Day
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."
~ Charles Dickens

"Anything that is wasted effort represents wasted time. The best management of our time thus becomes linked inseparably with the best utilization of our efforts."
~ Ted W. Engstrom

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I want to share with you today a story that I got from Dennis Kimbro, the author of Think and Grow Rich: A Black Choice. Dennis told a story about Malcolm X that he heard from Percy Sutton, the former Manhattan Borough president. As a young lawyer, Percy Sutton represented Malcolm X in a court case and had won against overwhelming odds. It was a very intense court battle between Malcolm and his adversaries. As they were leaving the courthouse, Malcolm’s supporters were one the side and his adversaries were on the other. Malcolm and Percy Sutton had to be protected by a number of bodyguards as they made their way to a long black limousine.

Percy Sutton was so scared he could hardly speak, while Malcolm was as cool as a cucumber Percy asked him, “Minister Malcolm, how can you be so cool in the face of all this danger, here where you can lose your life any minute?”

Malcolm calmly replied, “I hadn’t even noticed any danger. My mind is thinking about other things, things other than my morality. But the reason I am not worried is because of a story I heard which gave me a new perspective on life. Brother Percy, years ago I was told a story about an old worker named Omar who had a dream and had seen the face of death. He woke up and ran to his Master and asked could he have the fastest horse so he could escape death. The Master gave him the swiftest horse. Omar rode without stopping for three days. He did not stop for food or sleep or provisions. He rode as fast as he could. After three days the road branched into seven separate roads. He took the one to the far right but soon changed his mind. He took the one to the far left but changed again, and continued to vacillate from road to road until he had one left. He took that road and rode fast and strong. After he rode about 500 feet, the face of death appeared and said, ‘Omar, Omar, why have you kept me waiting for three days?’” Malcolm turned to Mr. Sutton and said, “The moral of this story is that you can run and you can hide, you can twist and you can turn, but no matter what you do, you can’t get out of this life alive.”

So while you’re here you’d better find your life’s purpose, live life to the fullest, pursue excellence, and live your dream because you can’t get out of this life alive!

By Willie Jolley, Host of the “Willie Jolley Motivational Minute” syndicated radio show!

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I hope all is well with you. I am fine. Actually I am better than fine I am fantabulous! (I know that it is not a word, but I use it anyway.) My youngest sister came to visit me and although we didn’t do much we had a good time together. I love family. It is the idea of being with someone that has known you long enough to know most of your faults and they love you anyway. Since I have been making my own way in this world, I’ve experienced first hand that the family feeling is not easy to come across. There are times when experiences will feel like the same thing but some one will move away or fall out with you and than you will realize that it wasn’t.

I keep a book of collages. It is pictures of things that I want and positive words from magazines that I have cut out and pasted together to inspire myself. I started doing that so that I would have something around me for encouragement when I am too restless to be still and listen to God’s voice or I can’t get anyone on the telephone that is willing to listen to whatever I am feeling at the moment that is not positive. I haven’t looked at this book in a couple of months. I pulled it out for my sister. She enjoyed looking at it. I enjoyed it also. I had forgotten some of those encouraging words that seemed like a life line only a few months ago.

It seems like since the weekend before my birthday, I have been feeling good about myself. Yes, I could make more money. And, yes, I could be thinner. Who doesn’t have something in their life that needs to be fixed? But, generally I am satisfied with myself. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have a lot of work ahead of me. I have started making lists. Since, I am feeling positive and well I am open to the improvements and work that comes with it. You can ask anyone that really knows me I am a constant work in progress.

Before I started this blog I had so much to say about everything. Now I either don’t type it up. Or I type it and don’t post it. So, please hang in there with me because I am a work in progress.

Love Jones is on so I have to type later. Have a great weekend.

Quotes of the Day

"Success is peace of mind, a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming, and not just in a physical way: seek ye first the kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be yours as well."
~ John Wooden

"When our eyes see our hands doing the work of our hearts, the circle of Creation is completed inside us; the doors of our souls fly open and love steps forth to heal everything in sight."
~ Michael Bridge


K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

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Have you ever wanted to be or do something
That seemed possible but impossible
Like a dream

To catch a dream for instance
Some chase it their entire natural born days
and don’t catch it
Others catch it and are too disappointed to do anything with it
What about those who can’t handle it
A dream can be a powerful thing when turned into reality
Your natural born days can become just born days
What was
Isn’t anymore
And somehow you don’t care

What about a facade
You’re trying to live?
Not in touch with the real you but whom you want to be
Or, what you think you want to do
Probably something you think will give your dream
zest or a new fresh breathe
It won’t though
Is a dream spectacular because it is possible
and impossible at the same time
Does the glitz and glitter fade away when you
can hold it in your hand and really examine it up close


Quotes of the Day
"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire; you will what you imagine; and at last you create what you will."
~ George Bernard Shaw

"The future is simply infinite possibility waiting to happen. What it waits on is human imagination to crystallize its possibility."
~ Leland Kaiser


K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

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by Eva Gregory

As we enter the second quarter of the year, I hear many people complain that they just don't get enough done. Do you sometimes feel like you don't have enough time to get it all done? Here's a way to redeem the time, starting now, and make the month of September(and every month) do double duty.

The key is to plan your week in a way that ensures important tasks are done, while releasing your creativity. Let's look at 6 steps to do just that.

1. Use a master task list. One of the problems with planning is that you feel you must decide *now* when each task will be done, which creates unhealthy pressure. The way around this problem is to create a master list of everything that needs to be done, then use your master list to plan. When a new task needs to be added to a list, add it to this list. Having a master list (only *one* list) provides peace of mind since you don't have to worry about forgetting those important things that need YOUR attention.

2. Set aside a block of time to plan. No interruptions during this time. It may take up to 5 hours for your first serious planning session. When you plan, try limiting your work hours. Don't say "as many hours as it takes" (YOU deserve a life too!) but rather "Monday thru Friday from 7 to 5" or whatever works best for you. Be realistic, yet flexible, and you will feel a greater sense of freedom and less like an employee of your day planner.

3. Prioritize using an A,B,C system. Too basic? Try doing it this way. A task is not an "A" task unless it costs you money, or will ruin your reputation if you fail to do it. "B" tasks are important, but the world won't end if you don't do them. EVERYTHING else is a "C" task. Using this method will cause you to list fewer "A" tasks but likely get more of them done.

4. Make an APPOINTMENT with yourself to do the top five "A" tasks. Treat it like any other appointment. Don't let it slide. If you want to never again end a busy week only to realize that the most important things were left undone, put your "A" tasks on your calendar.

5. Plan using a weekly calendar. People often think in week long units naturally. Monthly planning is too long range and daily planning can dissolve into simply managing the next crisis. Remember, YOU are in control. Start by placing "A" tasks down as if they were appointments, because now they are. "B" tasks can be handled when you have open time while "C" tasks may simply have to wait.

6. Be immovable. This is the key. You have planned your week, and unless it's VERY serious, don't change your plan.

I recently heard the story of a top insurance agent on the West Coast. The president of her company wanted to see her on a particular Tuesday, but didn't call until Monday. Firmly and politely she told him that she couldn't see him until Friday. When they saw each other on Friday, he inquired where she had been all week. "Right here in L.A." she replied.

More than a little steamed, he told her that he had to take two out-of-the-way flights to re-arrange to see her on Friday. Her reply was straight to the point. "I spent 4 hours planning my week before you called me." She showed him what she had done on Tuesday. It was impressive to say the least. Then she made this simple statement. "Bill, the reason I'm your #1 agent is that I don't allow anyone or anything to disrupt the schedule I work so hard to set." With this he couldn't argue.

When you learn to do things in their order of importance, the feeling of "There's something I'm supposed to do, but what is it?" will leave you entirely. This frees your mind. Keep yourself on track by asking "What is the best use of my time for the next 30 minutes?" Plan your work and you WILL succeed.

Eva Gregory is the author of The Feel Good Guide to Prosperity
All rights reserved. http://www.feelgoodguide.com

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"The only thing that stands between a man/woman and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible."
~ Richard M. DeVos

"You must go after your wish. As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning."
Barbara Sher
Author of "I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was"

K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

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"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself."

Og Mandino
1923-1996, Author and Speaker

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With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize 10 insights.

1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married...for the worst!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Here are four characteristics to definitely check for:
a. Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort?
b. Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people?
How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give to charity?
c. Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says? What s/he's going to do?
d. Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life?
Is s/he emotionally stable?
Then ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't get it. Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of the woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved - to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal oriented especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. Then the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife.

4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share common life goals and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person: a) Chemistry and compatibility, b) Share common interests, c) Share common life goal. Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're living for while you are single-and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate is a goal mate . . . two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.

5. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to "test drive" in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.

6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional connection to evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" A Mercedes impresses us. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc. Also ask: "Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?"

7. You pick the wrong person because you choose some one with whom you don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!

Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." A suggestion is made for your benefit.

8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.

9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better and your future spouse will thank you.

10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is a classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You'll not be their number one priority. And that's not basis for a marriage.

Many people are struggling because they have not used what God has given them. God gives you an acorn, you invest it and it will become a tree! Stop praying for trees while acorns are lying all over the ground. God answered your prayer for the tree when he sent you the acorn.

Quote of the Day
"The pity in life is that most of us die before we are fully born. Don't miss yourself"
- Erich Fromm


My friend sent this to me and I thought that it would be good to share. I hope you enjoy it.

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1.If you are going to put up, than shut up.
Picture this: You and your boyfriend had another fight. You two are on the outs. It has been three days and neither one of you are picking up the phone to talk to the other. Although you don’t have two words for him, you have plenty about him to anyone that makes the mistake of saying, “Hi. How are you doing?” By the third day of the standstill everyone you know is too through with that “Rusty Bamma” that you were lovingly calling your man four days prior. Now it is day five and you two have worked things out. You have thrown the incident into the back of your mind. You two are moving forward and you don’t understand why your family doesn’t want to see him at the annual family picnic. Or, your co-workers roll their eyes every time you mention his name.

If your relationship comes across like a bootleg version of “What’s Love Got to Do With It” or “Why Do Fools Fall in Love” and you are planning on sticking around for the good times, than keep the bad times to yourself. Talking negatively about your mate, doesn’t earn him brownie points. And, it makes your folks look at you sideways for staying with someone that you say is so horrible.

2. A horrible boyfriend makes an even worse husband.
If your love/hate relationship is mostly hate, it won’t get better once you get married. (Or, live together if you are thinking about shacking.) The relationship will slowly get worse because: you can’t ignore his phone calls because you live together, you can’t go home to your own space to cool off because you live together. Eventually, you both will be at home at the same time. If either one of you decides not to come home or ignore the others calls than that will only add gasoline to an already burning inferno. It is harder to get out of the relationship because you are married.

Pull out your list of qualities that you want in a life partner. If you don’t have one, take a minute it and write one. Now circle the items that are absolute needs. I mean the type of things that are imperative to coexisting with someone (Ex. Trustworthy, dependable, honest, strong work ethic, good money manager, affectionate, etc.) If your mate isn’t meeting your needs as a boyfriend, your needs will never get met if he becomes your husband.

3. Dating is a tool to figure out what you want.
Did writing that list seem easier written than done? You can’t get what you want or need if you don’t know what it is. The point of dating is to figure out what you want and need in a mate. So, if you are 25, or older, and still dating the type of guys that you were fooling with at 16, it is time to revisit and revise. I am sure that you have grown in many areas of your life. So, your needs are different. You may be at a point where you don’t know what you need, let alone want in a relationship. You should date different people to see what is best for you. I didn’t write have sex with everyone you meet. I said date. You will be surprised what you can learn about yourself by getting to know other people.

4.Communication is imperative for any relationship to work.
This one is a two parter:
a. If you don’t know what you want out of a mate, you will most likely settle. You will settle because you can’t communicate what you need from the person. And, you will be unsatisfied for unknown reasons.

b. You can’t communicate with someone that you are afraid to talk to. Whether it is afraid to hurt their feelings, make them angry, etc. The relationship will not work if you two can not express your desires to each other. Think about how many affairs have started because a spouse found someone that they could talk to. Or, the person couldn’t talk to the person that they are in a relationship with.

I am sure that you can think of a few things that you have learned from relationships.

Quote of the Day
"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire; you will what you imagine; and at last you create what you will."
~ George Bernard Shaw


K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She is a member of the Black Writers Guild and Toastmasters. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

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These days it is easy to fall into the habit of going to work, coming home and melting into your couch while the TV steals your evening hours. Sometimes it feels like your job provides most of your human interaction. Connecting with other people can be effortless for some and daunting for others. Was one of your resolutions to get out of the house more or meet new people? Since you started reading, do you recognize yourself? Don’t be alarmed, we all find ourselves in that place at one time or another.

The desire to exhibit hermit behavior can be brought on by moving to a new place where you don’t know many people. Or, you and your friends aren’t as close as you used to be so your hanging partner isn’t available to hang anymore. Maybe your interests are changing and it is time expand your circle of friends. Also, you could feel unsatisfied and want a change. We have to be human not rationale.

I have learned the hard way that you can not accomplish much without a game plan. Are you ready to be a participant in your life as opposed to a spectator of someone else’s? Here are a few tips to get you started on a plan:

Rediscover yourself. While you’re sitting on the couch vegetating, grab a piece of paper and pen. During the commercial breaks, because I know you don’t want to miss any of the show, write down a few of your interests. If you are only interested in sleeping, watching TV and staying at home, write down 5 things you always wanted to do. Join a book club. Take a cooking class. Volunteer at senior citizens home. What about those piano lessons you always wanted to take? Those are a few examples of things that you can do. I am sure if you think about it, you could come up with some activities that are a perfect fit for you. If you never wanted to do anything than you should consider activities that may make you more marketable at your job. In the process of learning and/or participating in a new activity you may be able to develop skills that can earn you a raise or a promotion. You never know what is waiting for you when you enter a room you have never been in before.

Get out of your comfort zone. Now that you have on paper a few things that you are either interested in or always wanted to do pick one and do it. I say start with number one! A few places to look for clubs, classes or groups to join are: The Public Library, Workplace bulletin boards, Local newspapers, Community Centers, Community colleges and even churches offer classes! Now that you know what you want to do. You know where to find the activity, go sign up. Instead of going straight home, take a detour. Sure you might miss the King of Queens but it was a repeat anyway.

Make eye contact, smile and speak. A big part of getting a life is being open to new experiences and meeting new people. Every day, whether you are trying a new activity, or following your usual home to work and work to home routine, you should make eye contact, smile and speak to people. You may have been riding the elevator every day with a person that could be one of your dearest friends and didn’t know it. Or, the lady that always rides the train with you in the morning and evening could be your new movie buddy. So, every day make eye contact, smile and say, “Hello”. You never know from where your next blessing is coming. If you are not open to someone or something new, you can not receive.

Look good, so you feel good. It is easier to make eye contact and smile you feel good about how you look. For some people it is as easy putting on eyeliner and lipstick before they leave the house in the morning. Or pulling your hair back instead of wearing the same way. Before you dose off on the couch pick out 2 possible outfits for the next day. In the morning, if you don’t feel like wearing one, you can put on the other. If you don’t like either you can mix and match the pieces. Any way you slice it or dice it you will have choices. Having options is one of the most empowering feelings in the world, even if it is just your clothing. Feeling less limits in one area of your life can give you the confidence to tackle other areas where you may feel restricted or powerless.

Get into action. Now that you are off of the couch, looking and feeling good and being more open to new experiences here are a few more ideas to keep the momentum going: Go see a play. Live performances can be more exciting than TV. Check out your favorite Comedienne at a comedy club near you. You may discover a new talent that is on the verge of being the next big thing. Try cultural and free events. Many museums and galleries do late viewings which is a great opportunity to meet people. Don’t forget that learning can be fun. By taking a class or attending a seminar you may discover that you have a hidden talent.

I want to give you two things to think about: (1)"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living." (Gail Sheehy) and "Eighty percent of success is showing up?" (Woody Allen). So, show up and I am sure that you will be successful at getting a life.

Quote of the Day
"If you want to take your mission in life to the next level, if you're stuck and you don't know how to rise, don't look outside yourself. Look inside. Don't let your fears keep you mired in the crowd. Abolish your fears and raise your commitment level to the point of no return, and I guarantee you that the Champion Within will burst forth to propel you toward victory."
~ Bruce Jenner


K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She is a member of the Black Writers Guild and Toastmasters. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

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We have all heard the saying, “You may have to kiss a few toads before you find your prince.” If you think that is a true statement. Here are a few more theories that you can appreciate:

1. Some toads will never turn into a prince regardless of how much you kiss them.
Every person comes to a point in there lives when they are the person that they are going to be. Some surface things may change but their core is not. Your frog may be just that, a frog. And, if he is you have a decision to make. Are you going to love him for whom he is? Or, are you going to kiss other frogs hoping that the next one will magically transform himself?

2. The toad that you are kissing could be someone else’s Prince that is why he is not transforming.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that had all the ingredients that should have added up to a perfect mate? I mean you looked at your list twice and it definitely had two checks next to everything that you always wanted but you two are not clicking. You go your separate ways and he marries the next queen in training. You can’t believe it. Before you go into the “Why not me?” mode, remember that he is not for you. There is a pot for every lid and he is not your lid. It is okay to let toads go because you are still a princess and your prince is on his way.

3. Sometimes it takes more than a few kisses for a toad to transform into a prince.
This one goes hand in hand with teaching someone how to treat you. Some frogs never become a prince because in the beginning of a relationship you let them treat you like you’re an unworthy peasant girl that would do anything for him to rescue you from whatever is going on in your life. You’re a princess, which means you are a queen in training. Honestly, you may already be a Queen that wants a mate. So, don’t love someone more than you like yourself. Don’t allow anyone to think that their behavior is acceptable when it is not. Always remember that you are a princess. And, you should be treated that way.

4. Sometimes a Prince is really a toad in disguise.
Let’s be real. Some people look great on paper. And, their presentation is magnificent. You look at them and think to yourself, Damn I am lucky. After you two spend some alone time, you start to feel like, Lord, what did I do to deserve this? I don’t mean that in a good way either. Since they seem so wonderful on the outside looking in, you don’t want to let them go. People will think that you are crazy for breaking it off with this person. Let them think it and even say it because you are the one that has to deal with the fake-me-out prince, not them. If you can attract and be in a relationship with someone that fabulous once than it can happen again. You are a prize. Whomever you choose is the lucky one not the other way around.

5. It doesn’t matter how many toads you kiss, if you are not ready, than your Prince will not come.
This is a hard pill to swallow, but we always get what we deep down inside think that we deserve. Take a minute to think about that. You know that it is true. If you have issues that need to be ironed out; set up the board, plug up the iron and get the wrinkles out. If you want the best for yourself, you have to expect the best and know that you deserve it. You have to be the kind of person that you want to be in a relationship with. We are all works in progress. Progress in our lives should be about improving and growing. When you are happy with yourself, content with life and not looking for someone else to make those things happen your Prince will come.

Quote for the day:
"Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it."- William Feather, 1889-1981, Writer


K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She is a member of the Black Writers Guild and Toastmasters. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

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People are interesting
Some do things the right way
Or, at least give that impression
Some are clueless
And do there best to stay that way
Others like to make tracks in fresh fallen snow
Not to be a pioneer or trendsetter
They just want to piss someone off
Anybody
It doesn’t matter

I often wonder if they, people that is, feel undone
Feeling undone is very strange
Something is nagging at you
Don’t know what it is
Wouldn’t recognize it if walked pass you on the street

A dangling thread
Ignored
You don’t catch it
Begins to unravel the fabric of what you think is your existence
Little by little
Than there is a hole
You wonder if you’re there anymore
You’re hanging on a thread
It seems as if you can be repaired
You’ll unravel some more
Before you know it you will feel undone
Although you’re not


K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She is a member of the Black Writers Guild and Toastmasters. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

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Hey! How are you doing? I have been in a creative slump lately. So, I decided to use a writing prompt to kick start my imagination. Here is the prompt:

House Painting
Your main character decides to spruce up his or her house by painting each room a different color. Which colors are selected and why?

Here is what I wrote:

For the kitchen the color is peach. Peaches and figs would be drawn on the walls close to the ceiling.

When Lee was a child her grandmother had a peach tree. The end of spring and beginning of summer was always unbearable until the first refreshing rain. It would be the type of rain that would stir the stiff stifling air until it became a cool comforting breeze. The day after the first refreshing summer rain they would gather peaches. Her grandma would can them; make pies and put the prettiest ones on display for anyone that happens to stop by. Lee would always snack on figs to avoid eating all the peaches. When Lee would have a particularly hard day she would make a peach pie with figs in it to remind her of the woman that her grandmother had raised her to be.

The Living Room would be Lilac and white. Mostly because Lee knows that it would piss her mother off. Once her grandmother was sick and Lee had to stay with her mother. In order to make the idea more bearable to Lee her mother promised that she could paint her temporary room any color that she wanted. Lee put great thought into selecting Lilac. True to her nature her mother went against her own words. She refused to paint her guest room such a ridiculous color. She kept saying that she didn’t want to be stuck with a purple room after Lee was gone. Lee didn’t say a word to her mother about it. When she went to visit her grandmother at the hospital, she walked into the room with its white walls and felt her grandmothers’ presence. Lee kneeled beside her and whispered, Grandma, you have to get better. If you don’t, I am afraid that I am going to loose my grandmother and mother during the same month. Her grandmother had a miraculous recovery and was not sick like that until many years later when she died.

The bathroom would be sky blue with clouds and stars painted on the ceiling. Lee had a shameless crush on her best friend’s older cousin, Joseph Bailey. She would practice writing her first name with his last name in cursive when she should have been studying. She even made her best friend call her Mrs. Elizabeth Ann Bailey when no one else was around. Lee knew it was love because she didn’t allow anyone to call her Elizabeth except him. When Elizabeth rolled off of his tongue she couldn’t help but give him her attention. He knew that she had a crush on him. Joseph never let her know that he knew how she felt. Lee was laying in a hammock in her best friend’s back yard waiting for her to come out and play when Joseph suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He steadied himself on the hammock so that they were both laying down o their backs comfortably looking at the sky. He told her that his family was moving away. And, that he would miss her. Her mind had not fully received his words when he twisted unto his side, caressed her face, looked into her eyes and gently pressed his lips against hers. And, first he seemed shy and timid. When Lee didn’t resist he kissed her a second time with more assurance. Before she could say a word, Joseph Bailey uttered that he would miss her and swiftly got up from the hammock. Lee laid there until the clouds became stars thinking about her first kiss. When it seemed like she just couldn’t get a relationship to work she could always take a long bath and stare at the ceiling.

Lee would select red for her bedroom. Lee’s grandmother always wore red when she was happy. She made it a point to will herself into a state of happiness at least twice a week. That was not an easy task. Sometimes she would put a little something extra in her morning tea if she was having a particularly rough week.

Willie was about to retire and settle into the life style of a senior member of our society, when her daughter, Cynthia, found a husband that had room in his life for one and not the two that she actually was. Willie took Lee off of Cynthia’s hands without a fuss. She hoped that Cynthia had finally found the happiness that she was searching for. Cynthia wasn’t the type that could will herself to be happy. And, wearing a specific color did nothing for her. The day Cynthia dropped Lee off for good Willie had on a red dress with a flower in her hair. Willie reminded Lee of an old Billie Holiday poster that she had seen at her best friend’s house. The day that Lee realized her mother preferred life without her, Willie was there dressed in red with her arms open. Willie let her know that it was only in death that she would ever leave her. Lee always took comfort in red. On some days the color red actually made her will herself into a state of happiness.

Quotes of the Day

"A good deal happens in a man's life that he isn't responsible for. Fortunate openings occur; but it is safe to remember that such "breaks" are occurring all the time, and other things being equal, the advantage goes to the man or woman who is ready."
~ Lawrence Downs

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature nor do the children of man as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."
~ Helen Keller, 1880-1968, Blind/Deaf Author and Lecturer

Kenya Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She is a member of the Black Writers Guild and Toastmasters. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

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I literally feel pain when I hear people report their resistance to daily writing practice.

I know - it sounds extreme - and it is also true.

I feel pain because I know how much better off I have been since I have started a writing practice - which for me is based on Julia Cameron's suggestion of writing 3 pages of free flow, stream of consciousness writing every day as early in the morning as I can muster.

For you, free flow writing may be 3 minutes a day. It doesn't matter how much you do - if you do so daily, it will make a difference in your life pure and simple.

I have learned that people generally stop their writing practice because instead of using this time to spiral up their energy with their words, they use it to spiral down their energy with their words. I know I wouldn't write for very long if I felt worse after writing than I did than before I started writing.

This is one of the reasons I came up with these simple strategies you may follow in order to always have a writing practice which aims towards your increase - making life better - rather than taking you into a tank of despair.

None of us do despair well. If you intentionally aim with your writing, when times of despair DO set in, you notice it more quickly and may shift from it with relative ease. In other words, you manage your doldrums, they don't run you.

Does this make sense so far? If it does, great – keep reading. If it sounds like some form of strange, unknown language, please take a deep breath and re-read it.

It really is easy. Simply breathe and continue.

1. Write from Your Gratitude List. Or from someone else's if you are stuck. Check out the, I'm So Grateful Blog for inspiration. http://www.imsograteful.com

2. Write from Affirmations: Look at the books of Catherine Ponder or Louise Hay for examples. Even simple ones like "Everyday in everyway things keep getting better and better and better"

3. Write using inspirational quotes as your prompt. There are lots of websites whose single function is to provide quotes to the world. Here are a few to get you started:
http://www.toinspire.com/, http://www.motivateus.com/, http://www.inspirational-quotes.info/

4. Describe in detail the objects around you according to the different senses: how does that object look, feel, smell, taste, sound?

5. Write a letter to your friend, telling him (or her) the many things you enjoy or like about her. If you find your thoughts slowing, choose a different friend.
Bonus: send the letter to your friend, hand-written with an envelope and stamp.. wow!

6. If you recognize you are going down a negative path, insert this simple phrase" "This is what I have been making up - the truth is.."

Writing freely will open you up like you have never been opened before. You will discover yourself in ways you have only dreamed.

Does it sometimes hurt? Heck yeah.

Will you feel better after you write, taking the Chitter chatter out of your head and onto the page? Heck, yeah...

Is it worth it? Heck, yeah!

Today - just try it and tomorrow and the next day, try it again.

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Julie Jordan Scott faciliates the growth of Creative Souls through Writing, Coaching, and Working in the Theatre Arts. Dare to lead a remarkable, passionate life now through one of her writing teleclasses or ecourses. Visit her website now: http://www.5passions.com/writingprograms.html

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It is hard to believe that is almost Monday again. I had a great weekend. I did some cleaning up. I got rid of some crap that I don’t need anymore. I used the “keep”, “give away” and “trash” method. It works believe me. I still have a lot to do but if I am diligent this week, I will be to make significant progress.

I packed my clothes for my trip next weekend. I am really excited. People are still "RSVP"ing for my party. I got a few, "I thought that I would be able to make it but I am not going to now." calls. But, that is fine. I already have my mind set on having a good time.

My daughter has all her school supplies. I went through some of her uniforms today and quit a of them still fit. I am glad about that. She has really grown over the summer. I went to visit her last weekend. The only time I really notice her growth is when other people point it out, or during the summer when she goes away and I don't get to see her for awhile. It is hard to believe that I have an eleven year old.

This weekend I went to see, Four Brothers. From what I read today, I am not the only person that checked it out. First and foremost, it has a banging soundtrack. If you like old school R&B than you will really enjoy the soundtrack.

Initially, I wasn’t really gung ho about going to see this movie. I like Tyresse and Mark Walburg as actors. I was curious to see how Andre 3000 would do. So, why not spend a hot summer afternoon in an air conditioned theatre watching Four Brothers? I was pleasantly surprised. There were several unpredictable plot twists and turns. The villain, Victor Sweet, played by Chiwetel Ejiofor, is the new Nino Brown. He is cold, ruthless and everything you want in a character that you love to hate. All the characters in the movie were easy to connect with. I gave Mr. Ejiofor a shout out because somebody needs to recognize him. Why not me?

I enjoyed this movie so much that I would pay to see it again. It is going to be a visual treat to see on the small screen but some of the effects have to be viewed on the big screen. So, save the bootleg copy for another time and go to the theatre. You won't be disappointed.

I don’t have a quote for you today. But, I read the following and I became motivated to do something. So, here it is for you:
Putting off until tomorrow what you need to do right now will just cause a big headache in perpetuity. So take a deep breath and dive into the tasks at hand before they get out of hand.

Holler at a Player Later,
Kenya


K. M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She is a member of the Black Writers Guild and Toastmasters. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

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Goals stalled? Always running behind? Stuck in a rut?

Procrastination means “putting it off”. Whether it’s a career
goal, a home project, or something about your daily life, a
sustained plateau on a goal can rattle your motivation, challenge
your thinking. And that can eventually mean that you’re putting
off your LIFE, not just a task.

The key is to push through these plateaus to see the finish line.
Take a good look, reassess your strategy, ask some questions,
make some changes. Not dealing with it, won’t make it go away.
Stop putting off your life!

What can I do when I find it hard to just get started?
The hardest thing about everyday tasks is getting started on
them. It's kind of like pushing a stalled car -- once you get
going, everything rolls right along. You can beat
procrastination in daily life tasks by setting up systems that
help you. Set a time to pay bills (Wed mornings, for example).
Then you do it and forget it. Most people don’t decide “not to”
do something -- they just don’t every consciously decide TO do
it. Decide. Put life on your schedule.

What can I do when I don’t feel qualified to perform the task?
Being afraid that you will fail at something is a sure-fire way
to get you to stop before you've started. You can beat
procrastination by being honest with yourself about your level of
training in that particular task. Don't complain or delay.
Simply request help from someone qualified who can help you
learn.

What can I do when I’m not sure this is something I really want?
I was having trouble finishing painting my kitchen and I couldn’t
figure out why. As I started to really think about it, I
realized that I didn’t really like the color. “Martha Stewart”
said I ought to like it, but I just didn’t. As soon as I
mentally fired Martha and got the color I really wanted, I
finished in no time. You can beat procrastination by telling
the truth about what you really want out of life. Live as the
star of your own life, not as an extra in someone else's.

What can I do when the task seems huge, overwhelming?
Beware of over-exaggeration. While it may seem like it will take
lightening years to complete a job, you can control
procrastination by using a timer to help you see what you can
really accomplish in 30 minutes. I guarantee you’ll be shocked.
Schedule a specific amount of time that you will spend on it each
day, or week -- set the timer. Devote that time to it, and then
return next time. You’ll move forward without exaggeration or
exasperation.

What can I do when there are many things demanding my attention?
When there is too much crammed into 24 hours, often nothing of
real value gets done You can control procrastination by setting
priorities. Do things that are important to you and your life.
Weed out the junk in your life, the same way you pull the weeds
in your garden - just because they volunteered to show up doesn’t
mean you want them there!

Making a task easier often comes with making a choice to adjust
your schedule, re-allocate your money, or choosing how to spend
your energy. We all know that, like mom taught us, we have to
get our work done before we can go out and “play”. Put your work
on a schedule, keep it realistic (you’re only human!), and that
makes play time all the more enjoyable!
=========================
Professional Life Coach Kathy Gates specializes in helping people
who are ready to create a simpler, less stressful, more joyful
and meaningful lifestyle. Visit www.reallifecoach.com for
information, products and services, and sign up for a free
newsletter.

Quote of the Day
Courage is the ladder on which all the other virtues mount.
– Clare Booth Luce, 1903-1987, American Dramatist/Journalist/Politician

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