by Eva Gregory

As we enter the second quarter of the year, I hear many people complain that they just don't get enough done. Do you sometimes feel like you don't have enough time to get it all done? Here's a way to redeem the time, starting now, and make the month of September(and every month) do double duty.

The key is to plan your week in a way that ensures important tasks are done, while releasing your creativity. Let's look at 6 steps to do just that.

1. Use a master task list. One of the problems with planning is that you feel you must decide *now* when each task will be done, which creates unhealthy pressure. The way around this problem is to create a master list of everything that needs to be done, then use your master list to plan. When a new task needs to be added to a list, add it to this list. Having a master list (only *one* list) provides peace of mind since you don't have to worry about forgetting those important things that need YOUR attention.

2. Set aside a block of time to plan. No interruptions during this time. It may take up to 5 hours for your first serious planning session. When you plan, try limiting your work hours. Don't say "as many hours as it takes" (YOU deserve a life too!) but rather "Monday thru Friday from 7 to 5" or whatever works best for you. Be realistic, yet flexible, and you will feel a greater sense of freedom and less like an employee of your day planner.

3. Prioritize using an A,B,C system. Too basic? Try doing it this way. A task is not an "A" task unless it costs you money, or will ruin your reputation if you fail to do it. "B" tasks are important, but the world won't end if you don't do them. EVERYTHING else is a "C" task. Using this method will cause you to list fewer "A" tasks but likely get more of them done.

4. Make an APPOINTMENT with yourself to do the top five "A" tasks. Treat it like any other appointment. Don't let it slide. If you want to never again end a busy week only to realize that the most important things were left undone, put your "A" tasks on your calendar.

5. Plan using a weekly calendar. People often think in week long units naturally. Monthly planning is too long range and daily planning can dissolve into simply managing the next crisis. Remember, YOU are in control. Start by placing "A" tasks down as if they were appointments, because now they are. "B" tasks can be handled when you have open time while "C" tasks may simply have to wait.

6. Be immovable. This is the key. You have planned your week, and unless it's VERY serious, don't change your plan.

I recently heard the story of a top insurance agent on the West Coast. The president of her company wanted to see her on a particular Tuesday, but didn't call until Monday. Firmly and politely she told him that she couldn't see him until Friday. When they saw each other on Friday, he inquired where she had been all week. "Right here in L.A." she replied.

More than a little steamed, he told her that he had to take two out-of-the-way flights to re-arrange to see her on Friday. Her reply was straight to the point. "I spent 4 hours planning my week before you called me." She showed him what she had done on Tuesday. It was impressive to say the least. Then she made this simple statement. "Bill, the reason I'm your #1 agent is that I don't allow anyone or anything to disrupt the schedule I work so hard to set." With this he couldn't argue.

When you learn to do things in their order of importance, the feeling of "There's something I'm supposed to do, but what is it?" will leave you entirely. This frees your mind. Keep yourself on track by asking "What is the best use of my time for the next 30 minutes?" Plan your work and you WILL succeed.

Eva Gregory is the author of The Feel Good Guide to Prosperity
All rights reserved. http://www.feelgoodguide.com

|

"The only thing that stands between a man/woman and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible."
~ Richard M. DeVos

"You must go after your wish. As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning."
Barbara Sher
Author of "I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was"

K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

|

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself."

Og Mandino
1923-1996, Author and Speaker

|

With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize 10 insights.

1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married...for the worst!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Here are four characteristics to definitely check for:
a. Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort?
b. Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people?
How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give to charity?
c. Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says? What s/he's going to do?
d. Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life?
Is s/he emotionally stable?
Then ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't get it. Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of the woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved - to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal oriented especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. Then the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife.

4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share common life goals and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person: a) Chemistry and compatibility, b) Share common interests, c) Share common life goal. Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're living for while you are single-and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate is a goal mate . . . two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.

5. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to "test drive" in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.

6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional connection to evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" A Mercedes impresses us. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc. Also ask: "Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?"

7. You pick the wrong person because you choose some one with whom you don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!

Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." A suggestion is made for your benefit.

8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.

9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better and your future spouse will thank you.

10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is a classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You'll not be their number one priority. And that's not basis for a marriage.

Many people are struggling because they have not used what God has given them. God gives you an acorn, you invest it and it will become a tree! Stop praying for trees while acorns are lying all over the ground. God answered your prayer for the tree when he sent you the acorn.

Quote of the Day
"The pity in life is that most of us die before we are fully born. Don't miss yourself"
- Erich Fromm


My friend sent this to me and I thought that it would be good to share. I hope you enjoy it.

|

1.If you are going to put up, than shut up.
Picture this: You and your boyfriend had another fight. You two are on the outs. It has been three days and neither one of you are picking up the phone to talk to the other. Although you don’t have two words for him, you have plenty about him to anyone that makes the mistake of saying, “Hi. How are you doing?” By the third day of the standstill everyone you know is too through with that “Rusty Bamma” that you were lovingly calling your man four days prior. Now it is day five and you two have worked things out. You have thrown the incident into the back of your mind. You two are moving forward and you don’t understand why your family doesn’t want to see him at the annual family picnic. Or, your co-workers roll their eyes every time you mention his name.

If your relationship comes across like a bootleg version of “What’s Love Got to Do With It” or “Why Do Fools Fall in Love” and you are planning on sticking around for the good times, than keep the bad times to yourself. Talking negatively about your mate, doesn’t earn him brownie points. And, it makes your folks look at you sideways for staying with someone that you say is so horrible.

2. A horrible boyfriend makes an even worse husband.
If your love/hate relationship is mostly hate, it won’t get better once you get married. (Or, live together if you are thinking about shacking.) The relationship will slowly get worse because: you can’t ignore his phone calls because you live together, you can’t go home to your own space to cool off because you live together. Eventually, you both will be at home at the same time. If either one of you decides not to come home or ignore the others calls than that will only add gasoline to an already burning inferno. It is harder to get out of the relationship because you are married.

Pull out your list of qualities that you want in a life partner. If you don’t have one, take a minute it and write one. Now circle the items that are absolute needs. I mean the type of things that are imperative to coexisting with someone (Ex. Trustworthy, dependable, honest, strong work ethic, good money manager, affectionate, etc.) If your mate isn’t meeting your needs as a boyfriend, your needs will never get met if he becomes your husband.

3. Dating is a tool to figure out what you want.
Did writing that list seem easier written than done? You can’t get what you want or need if you don’t know what it is. The point of dating is to figure out what you want and need in a mate. So, if you are 25, or older, and still dating the type of guys that you were fooling with at 16, it is time to revisit and revise. I am sure that you have grown in many areas of your life. So, your needs are different. You may be at a point where you don’t know what you need, let alone want in a relationship. You should date different people to see what is best for you. I didn’t write have sex with everyone you meet. I said date. You will be surprised what you can learn about yourself by getting to know other people.

4.Communication is imperative for any relationship to work.
This one is a two parter:
a. If you don’t know what you want out of a mate, you will most likely settle. You will settle because you can’t communicate what you need from the person. And, you will be unsatisfied for unknown reasons.

b. You can’t communicate with someone that you are afraid to talk to. Whether it is afraid to hurt their feelings, make them angry, etc. The relationship will not work if you two can not express your desires to each other. Think about how many affairs have started because a spouse found someone that they could talk to. Or, the person couldn’t talk to the person that they are in a relationship with.

I am sure that you can think of a few things that you have learned from relationships.

Quote of the Day
"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire; you will what you imagine; and at last you create what you will."
~ George Bernard Shaw


K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She is a member of the Black Writers Guild and Toastmasters. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

|

These days it is easy to fall into the habit of going to work, coming home and melting into your couch while the TV steals your evening hours. Sometimes it feels like your job provides most of your human interaction. Connecting with other people can be effortless for some and daunting for others. Was one of your resolutions to get out of the house more or meet new people? Since you started reading, do you recognize yourself? Don’t be alarmed, we all find ourselves in that place at one time or another.

The desire to exhibit hermit behavior can be brought on by moving to a new place where you don’t know many people. Or, you and your friends aren’t as close as you used to be so your hanging partner isn’t available to hang anymore. Maybe your interests are changing and it is time expand your circle of friends. Also, you could feel unsatisfied and want a change. We have to be human not rationale.

I have learned the hard way that you can not accomplish much without a game plan. Are you ready to be a participant in your life as opposed to a spectator of someone else’s? Here are a few tips to get you started on a plan:

Rediscover yourself. While you’re sitting on the couch vegetating, grab a piece of paper and pen. During the commercial breaks, because I know you don’t want to miss any of the show, write down a few of your interests. If you are only interested in sleeping, watching TV and staying at home, write down 5 things you always wanted to do. Join a book club. Take a cooking class. Volunteer at senior citizens home. What about those piano lessons you always wanted to take? Those are a few examples of things that you can do. I am sure if you think about it, you could come up with some activities that are a perfect fit for you. If you never wanted to do anything than you should consider activities that may make you more marketable at your job. In the process of learning and/or participating in a new activity you may be able to develop skills that can earn you a raise or a promotion. You never know what is waiting for you when you enter a room you have never been in before.

Get out of your comfort zone. Now that you have on paper a few things that you are either interested in or always wanted to do pick one and do it. I say start with number one! A few places to look for clubs, classes or groups to join are: The Public Library, Workplace bulletin boards, Local newspapers, Community Centers, Community colleges and even churches offer classes! Now that you know what you want to do. You know where to find the activity, go sign up. Instead of going straight home, take a detour. Sure you might miss the King of Queens but it was a repeat anyway.

Make eye contact, smile and speak. A big part of getting a life is being open to new experiences and meeting new people. Every day, whether you are trying a new activity, or following your usual home to work and work to home routine, you should make eye contact, smile and speak to people. You may have been riding the elevator every day with a person that could be one of your dearest friends and didn’t know it. Or, the lady that always rides the train with you in the morning and evening could be your new movie buddy. So, every day make eye contact, smile and say, “Hello”. You never know from where your next blessing is coming. If you are not open to someone or something new, you can not receive.

Look good, so you feel good. It is easier to make eye contact and smile you feel good about how you look. For some people it is as easy putting on eyeliner and lipstick before they leave the house in the morning. Or pulling your hair back instead of wearing the same way. Before you dose off on the couch pick out 2 possible outfits for the next day. In the morning, if you don’t feel like wearing one, you can put on the other. If you don’t like either you can mix and match the pieces. Any way you slice it or dice it you will have choices. Having options is one of the most empowering feelings in the world, even if it is just your clothing. Feeling less limits in one area of your life can give you the confidence to tackle other areas where you may feel restricted or powerless.

Get into action. Now that you are off of the couch, looking and feeling good and being more open to new experiences here are a few more ideas to keep the momentum going: Go see a play. Live performances can be more exciting than TV. Check out your favorite Comedienne at a comedy club near you. You may discover a new talent that is on the verge of being the next big thing. Try cultural and free events. Many museums and galleries do late viewings which is a great opportunity to meet people. Don’t forget that learning can be fun. By taking a class or attending a seminar you may discover that you have a hidden talent.

I want to give you two things to think about: (1)"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living." (Gail Sheehy) and "Eighty percent of success is showing up?" (Woody Allen). So, show up and I am sure that you will be successful at getting a life.

Quote of the Day
"If you want to take your mission in life to the next level, if you're stuck and you don't know how to rise, don't look outside yourself. Look inside. Don't let your fears keep you mired in the crowd. Abolish your fears and raise your commitment level to the point of no return, and I guarantee you that the Champion Within will burst forth to propel you toward victory."
~ Bruce Jenner


K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She is a member of the Black Writers Guild and Toastmasters. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.

|