2
4 Relationship Lessons
Posted by Unknown
on
11:04 PM
1.If you are going to put up, than shut up.
Picture this: You and your boyfriend had another fight. You two are on the outs. It has been three days and neither one of you are picking up the phone to talk to the other. Although you don’t have two words for him, you have plenty about him to anyone that makes the mistake of saying, “Hi. How are you doing?” By the third day of the standstill everyone you know is too through with that “Rusty Bamma” that you were lovingly calling your man four days prior. Now it is day five and you two have worked things out. You have thrown the incident into the back of your mind. You two are moving forward and you don’t understand why your family doesn’t want to see him at the annual family picnic. Or, your co-workers roll their eyes every time you mention his name.
If your relationship comes across like a bootleg version of “What’s Love Got to Do With It” or “Why Do Fools Fall in Love” and you are planning on sticking around for the good times, than keep the bad times to yourself. Talking negatively about your mate, doesn’t earn him brownie points. And, it makes your folks look at you sideways for staying with someone that you say is so horrible.
2. A horrible boyfriend makes an even worse husband.
If your love/hate relationship is mostly hate, it won’t get better once you get married. (Or, live together if you are thinking about shacking.) The relationship will slowly get worse because: you can’t ignore his phone calls because you live together, you can’t go home to your own space to cool off because you live together. Eventually, you both will be at home at the same time. If either one of you decides not to come home or ignore the others calls than that will only add gasoline to an already burning inferno. It is harder to get out of the relationship because you are married.
Pull out your list of qualities that you want in a life partner. If you don’t have one, take a minute it and write one. Now circle the items that are absolute needs. I mean the type of things that are imperative to coexisting with someone (Ex. Trustworthy, dependable, honest, strong work ethic, good money manager, affectionate, etc.) If your mate isn’t meeting your needs as a boyfriend, your needs will never get met if he becomes your husband.
3. Dating is a tool to figure out what you want.
Did writing that list seem easier written than done? You can’t get what you want or need if you don’t know what it is. The point of dating is to figure out what you want and need in a mate. So, if you are 25, or older, and still dating the type of guys that you were fooling with at 16, it is time to revisit and revise. I am sure that you have grown in many areas of your life. So, your needs are different. You may be at a point where you don’t know what you need, let alone want in a relationship. You should date different people to see what is best for you. I didn’t write have sex with everyone you meet. I said date. You will be surprised what you can learn about yourself by getting to know other people.
4.Communication is imperative for any relationship to work.
This one is a two parter:
a. If you don’t know what you want out of a mate, you will most likely settle. You will settle because you can’t communicate what you need from the person. And, you will be unsatisfied for unknown reasons.
b. You can’t communicate with someone that you are afraid to talk to. Whether it is afraid to hurt their feelings, make them angry, etc. The relationship will not work if you two can not express your desires to each other. Think about how many affairs have started because a spouse found someone that they could talk to. Or, the person couldn’t talk to the person that they are in a relationship with.
I am sure that you can think of a few things that you have learned from relationships.
Quote of the Day
"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire; you will what you imagine; and at last you create what you will."
~ George Bernard Shaw
K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She is a member of the Black Writers Guild and Toastmasters. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.
|
Picture this: You and your boyfriend had another fight. You two are on the outs. It has been three days and neither one of you are picking up the phone to talk to the other. Although you don’t have two words for him, you have plenty about him to anyone that makes the mistake of saying, “Hi. How are you doing?” By the third day of the standstill everyone you know is too through with that “Rusty Bamma” that you were lovingly calling your man four days prior. Now it is day five and you two have worked things out. You have thrown the incident into the back of your mind. You two are moving forward and you don’t understand why your family doesn’t want to see him at the annual family picnic. Or, your co-workers roll their eyes every time you mention his name.
If your relationship comes across like a bootleg version of “What’s Love Got to Do With It” or “Why Do Fools Fall in Love” and you are planning on sticking around for the good times, than keep the bad times to yourself. Talking negatively about your mate, doesn’t earn him brownie points. And, it makes your folks look at you sideways for staying with someone that you say is so horrible.
2. A horrible boyfriend makes an even worse husband.
If your love/hate relationship is mostly hate, it won’t get better once you get married. (Or, live together if you are thinking about shacking.) The relationship will slowly get worse because: you can’t ignore his phone calls because you live together, you can’t go home to your own space to cool off because you live together. Eventually, you both will be at home at the same time. If either one of you decides not to come home or ignore the others calls than that will only add gasoline to an already burning inferno. It is harder to get out of the relationship because you are married.
Pull out your list of qualities that you want in a life partner. If you don’t have one, take a minute it and write one. Now circle the items that are absolute needs. I mean the type of things that are imperative to coexisting with someone (Ex. Trustworthy, dependable, honest, strong work ethic, good money manager, affectionate, etc.) If your mate isn’t meeting your needs as a boyfriend, your needs will never get met if he becomes your husband.
3. Dating is a tool to figure out what you want.
Did writing that list seem easier written than done? You can’t get what you want or need if you don’t know what it is. The point of dating is to figure out what you want and need in a mate. So, if you are 25, or older, and still dating the type of guys that you were fooling with at 16, it is time to revisit and revise. I am sure that you have grown in many areas of your life. So, your needs are different. You may be at a point where you don’t know what you need, let alone want in a relationship. You should date different people to see what is best for you. I didn’t write have sex with everyone you meet. I said date. You will be surprised what you can learn about yourself by getting to know other people.
4.Communication is imperative for any relationship to work.
This one is a two parter:
a. If you don’t know what you want out of a mate, you will most likely settle. You will settle because you can’t communicate what you need from the person. And, you will be unsatisfied for unknown reasons.
b. You can’t communicate with someone that you are afraid to talk to. Whether it is afraid to hurt their feelings, make them angry, etc. The relationship will not work if you two can not express your desires to each other. Think about how many affairs have started because a spouse found someone that they could talk to. Or, the person couldn’t talk to the person that they are in a relationship with.
I am sure that you can think of a few things that you have learned from relationships.
Quote of the Day
"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire; you will what you imagine; and at last you create what you will."
~ George Bernard Shaw
K.M. Abney has been a featured writer on the web. She is a member of the Black Writers Guild and Toastmasters. She loves feedback and can be contacted at kenmoab1@verizon.net.
|
Posts
